And, yet she still was there.  She was sitting quietly in the den, smiling sweetly at me when I came in, then sitting expressionless.  Never really saying anything to me, or Dad, or my sister, or her kids, or other siblings who came from afar to visit.

Sitting quietly, mostly without expression, but still there, still Mom.

My friends would ask me, “Does she know your name?”  I would answer, “I think so, but I haven’t asked her.”

Til one day I did ask her, out of my own curiousity.

“Mom,” I said to her when we were sitting on the couch finishing the dinner my father had made for us.  I felt very foolish as I paused before asking my very own mother to tell me what my name was.  After all, hadn’t she and my dad had given me my name.  Surely, when a daughter asks her dear mother what her name is, it’s under very unusual circumstances.

She looked up at me, not saying anything.

“Mom…” and again I paused, and I feel tears coming into my eyes as I type these words and remember that moment, and my mother vividly.”

“OK,” I said to myself…”just let yourself ask.”

“Mom,” and I was ready now, “what’s my name?”  And the question mark hung in the air, and floated there for a while.

She smiled at me, “Sweetie,” she said.

I was taken aback.  What a lovely answer.  ”Sweetie.”  The word hung in the air near my question.I laughed out loud.  ”Yes, Mom,” that’s right,” I said, smiling back at her.

I forged ahead, pressing to see if in her late stage of Alzheimer’s she remembered the name she gave me when I was born.

“What’s my other name?”

Mom considered my question.  Then, looked up and smiled coyly, as if she understood that she had avoided answering the question the first time.  ”Lyddy,” she said, uttering the name my family has called me forever.  I gave her a huge smile.

It looked to me like she was proud of herself for answering the question correctly.  We both beamed at each other, and I went to her for a hug.

Hugging was something Mom still was able to do very well, in her late stage dementia.

And, you know, the name “Sweetie” would really have been more than enough.

So pleased to have such a wonderful publisher!!at Book Expo America. Had a wonderful meeting with the president, Melissa Behm, of my publishing company, Health Professions Press. In the attached picture, Melissa is on the left, that's me on the right :

Melissa Behm, the President of Health Professions Press, told me that, to date, there have been 20,000 Two-Lap Books sold in English and Japanese.  I’m so thrilled to see my books going out to so many families and organizations caring for people with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias.
I would love to share videos of caregivers reading Two-Lap Books with loved ones or patients in their care. (Then, more people would see the benefit of reading Two-Lap Books.)
I’ll be taking some video and posting them. And, if you are reading my books with a loved one and would like to take a video of your reading together and send it to me – - I would love to post them!
Please send videos to me at:  lydiaburdick@yahoo.com.  Thank you!!

The jewelry case was dazzling, and it was hard to focus on any one thing.  ”What about one of these rings, honey,” Mom asked, pointing to a collection of gold rings, each set with colorful gemstones.  I looked with wide eyes at the rings…first at the turquoise, it was my birthstone after all.  But, I had a lovely turquoise stone already, my parents had given me that ring several years ago.  So, I turned my gaze to the other colors in front of me.

And, right away I saw it.  I’m not sure if it was the symmetry of it – a largish garnet stone surrounding by smaller garnets, or if it was the deep, rich color of rubies that attracted me.  It was probably both …and I just knew that was the one.  I just knew it!  I just hoped it fit….

Mom asked to see it, and put it on my finger – - a perfect fit, a glorious ring, a magnificent present.  I wore it home in glory.   And, yes, it did make me happy when I wore it at school.

And, it makes me happy now… I’m wearing it right now as I write and remember.  My golden garnet ring…..

Mom’s gone since 2003 – it will be 8 years this July 17.  She had Alzheimer’s disease the last few years of her life…it was a long and slow goodbye.

And, the ring remains – as beautiful, as richly red, as circular as it was in 1967.

I’ wear it from time to time.  It brings a little smile to my face, some tears to my eyes, and a memory of such care and love.

I remembered things loving ways of my mother when she was in the late stage of dementia, too, and sat quietly, not even smiling much.

Thank you, Mom, for my beautiful ring.  I love you… and miss you…..so much…..

Dad was an artist, a CPA by day, and an artist at home.  He went to Adult Ed classes at Stuyvesant High for years, and when his oil painting teacher retired, he found another great teacher, this one at the National Art Club, and since this teacher taught pastels, Dad took pastel class.

I decided to bring out all the boxes of pastels he had one day, when we were at his home.  He was in his wheel chair, the prostate cancer and Parkinson’s resulting in Dad being very fragile and in some pain.  My mother had passed away a few weeks prior .

“Let’s do art today” I said to my 84 year old father.  He gave me a weak smile.

I put five boxes of Dad’s pastels on the dining room table.  Dad picked up one at a time, moving his arms slowly.  He picked one up at a time, and told me about the boxes.  ”This box is for landscapes, it’s not so great,” Dad put the box in the “seen” pile.  ”These two boxes are basic pastels, they’re ok,” he said, looking at me then putting the two on the “seen” pile.  ”This is the good all-purpose ones, I like these” he said, putting them on another pile.

Then, he took the last box.  The colors on the box cover were brilliant; the writing was in German.  He gazed at me steadily, “This is the good stuff.”  And, he put the box on a third pile.

“So, Dad,” I said, looking over the different boxes of pastels.  ”Which box are you going to use today?”

My question lingered in the air, as my Dad thought about the question.

Then, slowly, carefully, he picked up the box of German pastels, opened the box, looked the colors over, finally picking up a brilliant blue stick.

“I’m going to use the best, today,” he said, and nodded his head.  ”Yes, I am going to use the best.”

I am so glad he did.  It was the last time my father used his pastels or did any art.  My father passed away a few days later.

I’ll never forget him saying that he was going to use the best.  What a great teaching, to use the best we have and not wait…there may not be another time and even if there will be, why not use the best now!

I would love for all of you who make it to my site to say “hello” by adding comments to any of my blog categories – -

1) my “general” blog

2) my “I love” section  – share what you love whether it’s something that make you happy or something you enjoy doing with a loved one with dementia

3) my “minimizing risk of AD? section

Thanks!

I think it’s so important —  to learn how to take care of ourselves – - to maximize our health by making crucial lifestyle choices.  I am so grateful for social media – - it’s a great way for us to share what we have learned and learn more!

If you haven’t checked out twitter yet, I suggest you do.  And, an easy way to start out is to 1) register on twitter.com and 2) go to mashable.com and check out their Twitter Guide.

Have fun – - follow people interested in what you are interested in…and holistically inclined people who tweet about Alzheimers are those I’ll be following (in addition to the social media folks and the news folks.

My twitter “handle” is my name:  lydiaburdick.

Take care…

You are welcome to share your ideas here, and I’ll have much more to say about this topic soon.  It’s an exciting topic and one I look forward to exploring with you!

In Savannah for a wedding.  A June wedding.  As, true to my words in my second Two-Lap Book, Happy New Year to You!, I do love to go to weddings in June.

This wedding was that of the son of my dear friend and colleague, Marian Sulenski and her husband, Russ Ditzel.

The wedding was gorgeous, the happy couple ecstatic, and the dancing was very fun!

I had never been to Savannah before, and have been enjoying, in no particular order:  green-friend tomatoes, gumbo, Arnold Palmers (unsweetened tea and lemonade – my new drink of choice), Spanish moss hanging down from almost every tree, and gardenia bushes.  The humidity…not so much.

Writing this at the Galaxy Cafe…big comfy chairs everywhere, wooden tables and chairs scattered around, my kind of music softly on the sound system, great Arnold Palmers (my third today)…wish I had this kind of place on the Upper West Side of Manhattan!  I’m going to look for places like this when I get back…I like thinking and writing and drinking Arnold Palmers in this kind of environment!  Any suggestions?

Later, y’all…

I got to thinking, what was it about Rue and all the “girls” that had us fans describe the show as: heartwarming, loving, fun, honest, real…and caring?  Well, I think it was that while the characters were all so very different, they truly did care about each other, as family.  And, no matter how angry they got each other from time to time, they always resolved it.  They apologized when appropriate, and always, always, always kissed and made up before they went to bed…like caring families do.  They let us in on all of it, we were watching the show, after all

True, they weren’t caring for someone with dementia, although I read recently that “Ma,” Estelle Getty, had advanced dementia at the end of her life, but they loved and cared for and about each other so magnificently, didn’t they?

I love the feeling I always get of being included when I watch the show… and Rue (Blanche Deveraux)’s passing last week had me stop in my tracks.  I was so sad to learn of her passing…I felt like I had lost a friend.   I was in mourning for a woman I had never meet, but had grown to love for portraying a character with a big heart and and bigger sassy attitude…who had become part of my world.

One of the best pick-me-ups I know and I can recommend as guaranteed when life/caregiving/etc. get you down is to watch those Golden Girls reruns, and feel the love…

Rue, and Bea, and Estelle…you are missed…love you ,Betty, and thank you all so very much…